Look, neglect your ergonomic, wi-fi nonsense. Overlook your light studying curves. Metal Battalion isn't a sport; it's a character take a look at disguised as a $200 peripheral that takes up half your front room. Capcom appeared on the mech style and determined it wasn't intimidating sufficient, so that they packaged it with a monstrous, three-foot-wide controller that includes 40 buttons, twin joysticks, three foot pedals, and a communications dial. It's much less a controller and extra a monument to govt hubris.
Is available in a picket navy model field
One loopy sport design
The darkish joke right here begins earlier than you even get into fight, as a result of you need to learn to function an precise, simulated machine. There are buttons for every part. Need to begin the engine? That’s 4 security switches and an ignition key sequence, adopted by a prayer to a minor Japanese god. You could have a button devoted to washing your windshield. When your big, strolling dying machine is at present being torn aside by enemy fireplace, and also you’re frantically looking for the plasma cannon set off, you’ll inevitably hit the windshield wiper button. And that, my mates, is comedy.
The sport isn't only a bodily tax; it's a profound, existential menace to your free time. As a result of beneath all the fantastic, clicky plastic lies the sport's darkest, funniest function: permadeath. You're a rookie pilot, thrown right into a meat grinder of a warfare. When your Vertical Tank (VT) is critically broken, the cockpit begins filling with smoke, sparks, and the sound of your financial savings account dissolving. At this level, you’ve mere seconds to flip a plastic cowl and slam the outsized, glowing-red EJECT button.
Fail to eject? Your VT explodes, your pilot turns into a high-pressure mist, and the sport does one thing actually magnificent: It deletes your save file. Hours of progress, gone. You don't get a "Recreation Over" display; you get an eviction discover from the digital world. It's the one sport the place dying isn’t just an inconvenience, however a real, private betrayal by the {hardware} itself.
The funniest half is all the time the previous few moments. You're not dying heroically; you're dying since you obtained confused and hit the Evening Imaginative and prescient swap as an alternative of the missile lock. You die in a panic, desperately attempting to uncap the eject swap, your fingers slipping, your sweat shorting out the comms dial, figuring out that in about three seconds, your complete weekend will probably be erased since you couldn't hold your cool whereas a cartoon tank was taking pictures you.
Metal Battalion is a masterpiece of darkish humor. It’s a superbly costly prank that Capcom performed on its most devoted followers, and it deserves all of the confused rage it evokes. In case you like the concept of paying a whole bunch of {dollars} to have a pc chuckle at you whereas it purges your reminiscence, that is the sport for you. Simply be sure you learn the 90-page guide, or your life goes to be very, very brief. And costly.
Score: 5/5 Stars for Dedication to Emotional Injury.
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